I was lamenting to a Facebook friend that I know a woman who did not vote for the Cheeto four years ago but I know she is this year: she now rails against masks, customer limits at businesses, etc. “We have to live our lives!!!” My friend responded that “Trump has successfully positioned himself as the ‘No Fear’ (Conquering Fear) candidate. For those who need or want to show their bravery, he’s become a symbol for that.”
He’s right.
I am appalled that wearing a mask has become equated with cowardness and a restriction of “freedom.” It’s similar to how some people react to me being ATGATT – all the gear all the time – when it comes to riding a motorcycle. The comments about wearing a helmet alone (“riding a motorcycle is all about FREEDUMBS, wearing a helmet is just stoopid!”) are annoying AF. You are really going to call *me* cowardly as a motorcycle rider? Are you freakin’ kidding me?
One of the reasons I followed security guidelines in Afghanistan was that I didn’t feel like I had the right to put security forces in danger to come rescue my ass if I did something really stupid. It’s the same reason I’ve been in this house since March. Cowardness? No – I CARE.
I get it – having your movements restricted is SO hard. It is. Kabul restrictions just about broke me – those of you who read my updates know that. I wasn’t perfect in Kabul either, because my mental health cried out for some attention: on my one day off a week, I sometimes went to a coffee shop that was officially off-limits a few times (it was under the “protection” of one of the most powerful warlords in the country, so I figured I was as safe as anywhere). There was the day I marched back to my guest house instead of taking a car, furious about a workshop I had helped facilitate. There was the day I went to a lake with Afghan colleagues. Those were moments of weakness. I pushed boundaries and, thankfully, didn’t pay for it in a negative way, and that’s just pure LUCK.
I’m not perfect now either: I allow people to get too close to me when I walk Lucinda. It’s my weakness. It’s so great to see people and it feels normal and I have to remind myself: PANDEMIC! PANDEMIC!
Otherwise, I am one of a shrinking minority that wears a mask if I go inside a restaurant for take out, I still get curbside pickup at the grocery, I don’t eat at restaurants, not even out on their patio or whatever, I’ve stayed away from outdoor festivals (too many people don’t wear masks properly), etc. We’re trying to design a safe little vacation nearby, one where we could stay away from everyone, but it’s SO difficult to reduce risk when people are such assholes (I’m looking at you, California bro in a convertible that walked maskless into a gas station convenience store where I was in line, ready to pay).
This is hard. So, so hard. But I’m not living in fear – I’m living in care.
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