Some of my friends are showing signs of dementia

Dementia is the loss of cognitive functioning — thinking, remembering, and reasoning — to such an extent that it interferes with a person’s daily life and activities. Some people with dementia cannot control their emotions, and their personalities may change.

From the National Institutes of Health.

I post a joke, or a meme dripping with obvious sarcasm, and friends, often people my age, or close to my age, respond – and I realize, based on comments, that a friend, yet again, doesn’t get the joke, doesn’t see the sarcasm – and it’s a friend that used to not be confused by such.

I see a friend getting lost in comments on a social media post: they can’t follow the thread, can’t understand there might be a start to a long conversation that they aren’t seeing, and they post something that doesn’t at all fit within the thread or the theme.

A couple of friends are posting things to social media that are deeply personal, like about bathroom functions, about, literally, what is in the toilet, or about their sexual habits – things I know that, even five years ago, they would never have shared.

A couple have been posting to everyone but are actually intending to talk to just one particular person.

A couple repeat warnings on social media that they think are urgent, some breaking news or some scientific observation, and what they are posting is not true, or greatly exaggerated – and they didn’t used to do this.

Some have repeated posts that show obsessive behavior – over what they think we should all be eating, over what they think are threats to children, over someone they believe has wronged them, over some sad or frustrating event from many years ago that they still bring up, or have started bringing up, over and over, as though it happened yesterday.

Some don’t seem to understand clickbait and reply endlessly to such.

Some seem to think hundreds of people are reading their posts – despite no “likes” at all.

Some talk about purchases they’ve made – reckless purchases they can’t afford, or that come with an extraordinary amount of responsibility. And those purchases are jeopardizing their financial security.

Some post ONLY about the past – things from 20, 30, 40 years ago. Nothing new, nothing that is happening now.

A couple regularly get their Facebook newsfeed hacked, with clickbait about weight loss or a salacious title like “I can’t believe he’s gone” and a link that will result in someone getting a virus on their computer, and they don’t understand how to change their Facebook privacy settings to stop it. They also regularly click on those links when they see them on others’ newsfeeds.

One posts about tragedies in their life from years ago – but the way things are worded, people think that car wreck or that broken heart happened this week. And the original poster doesn’t seem to understand how they are confusing people.

Some are obviously using a LOT of alcohol and other substances regularly, including when they are posting to social media.

And for these different friends that I’m talking about: they don’t have adult children and they don’t seem to have anyone in their offline lives that is seeing this growing confusion.

A couple I’ve written directly and said, “Are you sure you want to post such-and-such?”, per a particularly alarming post. Sometimes, the post disappears. Most often, there’s no reply. A few I’ve called – and I can tell as we talk that they aren’t quite the same and aren’t quite grasping everything 100%.

These aren’t people in their 80s (my family in their 80s on Facebook are just dandy mentally!). I’m talking about friends in their 50s, more often than not. They are people I went to high school or university with or that I worked with in my 20s. I’m worried about these friends. But I don’t know what to do about it.

I know that it seems sometimes like I don’t have a filter online – or off. But I do. I put more thought into what I share online than you might think. Most of my posts actually have a specific intent, a specific desired outcome. Rare is the time I’m NOT being an activist. I love my friends and I love being comfortable with them, online or off, but I have to admit that I am almost always thinking about what I intend for their reaction to be every time I post something online.

I don’t think any of the friends I’m talking about here are reading this blog – blogs, or long reads, aren’t something they engage with. But if you do think I might be talking about you, go through your own social media, read what you’ve been saying, and think about your intent behind what you’re sharing and think about if you want that post to live on after you are gone. Your social media is a reflection of you – do you see a reflection you are comfortable with? If you see a lot of things that make you uncomfortable, that maybe you don’t even remember posting, have a talk with a doctor about checking your cognitive functions – and take a break from the drinks. And delete those posts that you don’t reflect who you are, or want to be.

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