Friendships end. It’s sad when they do, no matter the reason and I wish they didn’t have to, but sometimes, they have to. Sometimes, they need to.
When a friendship ends, for me, it means I do not want to hear from that person anymore, in any way, and that person does not want to hear from me. There are various reasons friendships end, and I’m not going to get into those. But when the friendship is over, I might go through a mourning period, and that mourning of what was may always be there, even a little bit. I might need to take time to heal from a hurt. There might be anger. But what there never is, is retribution.
When a friendship ends, all I want to do is to get away from that person and the memories. Vengence requires keeping a person in your life, in thoughts and maybe even in actions. I don’t want anyone I am no longer friends with to take up any space in my life, and seeking retribution would require that.
Plus, most retribution seems petty.
I always assume the person on the other end of this former friendship would feel the same. And often, I’m stunned that they aren’t, even when they are the ones that ended the friendship: they’re revisiting our time together in conversations and repainting it as something contemptuous, or something to show how others shouldn’t trust me. My capabilities and even my ethics suddenly get called into question. And, worst of all, my confidences are shared.
I don’t violate the confidences of friends – and that includes former friends. Secrets end with me. While a friendship may end, my values regarding what a friendship is haven’t, and if someone I now loathed shared something confidential with me during our friendship, I won’t share it – I just can’t do that.
This is all one big vague post, I know. I’m just stunned today to find a former friend, a former work colleague, is going out of her way, months after our relationship is over, to undermine me. I cannot imagine spending time and energy to do that, I really can’t.
I’ll leave you with this: that really good friend of yours who runs down a mutual friend or colleague when that person isn’t around? That same person does that to you when YOU are not around, you can count on it. Think about that VERY carefully when that person is sharing their “true” feelings about that mutual friend, and reconsider having that person in your life any more than you have to.
Lesson learned. Again.
Leave a Reply